Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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