and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
