when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
