I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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