At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
