I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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