Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
