did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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