I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
