so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize