Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
