I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
