She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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