Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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