I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
