DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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