No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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