he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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