Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize