So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
