Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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