Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize