If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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