and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
