The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize