If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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