What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
