Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
