then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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