suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
whose parrot is this?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
