I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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