She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
