He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
