WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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