There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
