Only a mothe r could love this liver
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
