Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
