this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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