420 ftw
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
