I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
