I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
