dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I look better un-naked...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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