He told me they were just razor bumps!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
