Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
