if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize