weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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