I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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