Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
