she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
