My sheets look like a crime scene.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
