ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
