# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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