mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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