only you would photoshop your dick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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