She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
