Swine flu. Run for my life!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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