is your mom at the bar?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize