he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
