well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
