If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
