I've blown a few things in my day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
