Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
