i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
