He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
do nipples grow back?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
