Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
