I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
