Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
