hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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