My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
