so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
