Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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