I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
