my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
