took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
