The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
