Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You are the jesus of drinking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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