Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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