If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Every concussion has its silver lining
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
