seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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