It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
