if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
