Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
