Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
