It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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