what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
