my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
FUCK WHALES
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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