we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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