ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
