Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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