The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
