my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
