you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
