Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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