you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
