he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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