so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
