Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize