3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
