I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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