god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
