and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
