wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
