If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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