Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
