I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
